Lay Off Yourself!

Sometimes I’m too hard on myself.
And by sometimes I mean every single day of my life.
I don’t know why it happens…
Or when it started…
Or wtf to do about it.
But sometimes it’s overwhelming and sometimes it sucks.
And by sometimes I mean every single day of my life.

sigh

I’ve got a lot going on…
Maybe too much?
I got into my masters program, which is a great thing, but then it’s like “well if you don’t pass this class you’ll be a failure and you’ll never amount to anything because you’ll never get into that program again.”
oh.
I’m trying to lose weight.
Which is also great but then it’s like “excuse me?  you gained .4 pounds instead of losing .4 pounds?! how could you do this to yourself, self?!”
oh.
Then, my favorite one, is “uhg, seriously just stop.  no one wants to be your friend, got it?”
OH.
Like, why do I do that?
I didn’t do anything to myself… or you… or the guy down the road… blah blah blah.
I’m letting my insecurities win and it SUCKS.

mad

It drives me insane.
And then I get even more in my head when I question why I do it, because I have no answer, I just do it.
Ugh.
Stop it, self.
Get on with it.
To help myself be calm I am taking a time out.
I deleted Facebook and I am limiting my own “phone distraction time” as well.
I just feel like it’s all too much.
I distract myself to not feel sad or anxious or whatever but then I don’t deal with my feelings.
HOW much sense does that make?
None.
Zilch.
Nada.

Lord Jesus it’s a fire.
I need a break.
Speaking of which, it’s Spring Break and I still have homework…..
That I have no idea how to do….
But am I going to stress about it?
Yes.
Let’s not kid ourselves.
But I am going to try not to.

Things could be worse, worse than I make my own small issues out to be, and one of my goals this year was to be more positive.
Thank God I still have time because I am super failing at that one.

I need a little assistance but it’s gonna work out just fine.
It has to.

XOXO

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